The Unexpected When You're Expecting

My life has changed a lot this year. I'm experiencing so much new, and it has been overwhelming. Getting married is a big shift for anyone; even though Nick and I had time to work through the "living together kinks" before our wedding, there was still an adjustment period after making the Mr. and Mrs. official.

Opening REPS was a rollercoaster, for lack of something less cliche. I would be giddy with excitement and in tears of anxiety all within a few hours. It was scary to put so much faith in myself. There are days I still feel those same ups and downs.

This babe has been the biggest adjustment of all though not for the reasons I expected. I understand that I can't completely understand the full capacity of Momming until I've actually done it, but I feel as prepared as I can be. I'm older than I thought I'd be when I started having kids, but those extra years give me some confidence that I may not be utterly shell-shocked.

The truth is that the part of this process that has thrown me off the most is the change in my physical ability. Yes, my body looks different; I expected that. Yes, I had to get bigger clothes. I expected that too. What took me by surprise and what has been the hardest part mentally is how quickly my body stopped working the way I'm used to. I saw a drastic change in the type of workouts, the amount of weight, and the duration of work I could handle very early on, and they have continued to trend downward.

That's a hard reality for me because it feels like I've sacrificed a part of myself that I didn't know I would have to.

But this isn't a doom and gloom post.

While these changes are a struggle right now, I know that they have an expiration date. Along with this little boy (who I'm very excited to meet), April also holds the promise of the return of myself. I'm sure that sounds naïve, and I don't expect to do a 180 right away, but I'm confident it will happen. Here's why: routine.

I have spent two years of my life building a routine that makes my life better. It wasn't easy. I struggled and fell and kept working. I was tested, and I doubted the process. But ultimately I created something that manifested the life I had pictured for myself. And I know that something so strong is not easily broken. So while I work through the newness of this current season I'm in, I rest easy knowing that I have a strong foundation to ground me, and I look forward to getting back to my good, old routine.